We can’t control many of the things that happen to us but we can control how we react to them. How often do we hear that, and yet, how often are we controlled by reactions we either have had programmed into us, or have yielded to by habit?
Where did we get it wrong by putting our heads above our hearts and by letting some misguided idea of “adulthood” take the spontaneity of youth and ruin our love of adventure? We have such an innate capacity to adapt and bounce back when things go wrong, and to let “surprises” bring out resourcefulness and a spirit of challenge in us, instead of defaulting to a negative or worrisome attitude.
If we are to get upset, let it be about the important and truly evil things that are happening around us and not the inconveniences or petty issues that, in the end, will be of no consequence.
What got me thinking about this was an incident that happened a while ago. We had been invited to our friends’ apartment for a birthday party. Stuart and I had decided to go by metro (MRT) to their house because the part of the city where they live is densely populated and complex to drive to. However, we got a late start so; against my “better judgment” Stuart decided we’d drive.
He probably thought it would be quicker and easier to drive and we did make good time getting to the other side of the city, but then things got confusing. We are quite used to the street signs in Taiwan being written in Romanization in 2 and sometimes 3 different ways ~ you actually have to be here to appreciate that experience – but it took us quite bit of driving around and checking in with our friends to find the right address. I think we handled that part of the exercise quite patiently but then we were faced with the next hurdle, finding parking. We followed the signs to one car parking station after another only to find they were full.
Time passed and that’s when I started to get a bit impatient and something, (I’m not sure what ~ Ha!) made me want to let Stuart know that I felt it was his fault, he made us late and it had been his call to take the car when I knew better! I imagine he got the point the first time…and for sure he realized how I felt the second time, but I continued with digs and he continued on cheerfully as we drifted out of the area of our friend’s house in confusion of traffic and through the convoluted road system with its unfamiliar street signs. We finally found a parking place that was free and took it.
By this time I was more than annoyed because we were now late, far enough from our destination that we now needed to take a taxi to get there, plus we didn’t really know where we were. I again said something negative and he just smiled and looked at me and said “I know it’s my fault. But I figure I have got two choices I could get upset and not enjoy the evening or to just enjoy myself and I have decided to enjoy myself!”
There was no dig back at me, he just stated the facts plain and simple and that was what I needed to see where my thinking was taking me and how it was affecting my emotions. I know the theory of lemons and lemonade, so I too had a choice before me. I could choose to let this thing bug me, play the blame game or just see what had happened as an adventure. I chose the latter and am glad I did – and we had a wonderful evening, if anything, spiced up by the fun of the mistake we had made and the jokes it brought on.
And it got me thinking: I want to keep cultivating that attitude of enjoying life and learning to go with the flow and staying positive when things don’t quite go as planned. Since so much of our happiness is about our state of mind, this situation reinforced the importance of remaining positive in my thoughts and comments and how it makes the difference between getting all worked up or really enjoying myself. After all, it was something I really couldn’t change.
Our emotions can have a big impact on our lives. Our emotional health is the foundation of our long lasting health and happiness. Emotions are so powerful that they determine our success in our physical health and also in our relationships. It was a good wake up for me to see where I’d let some negative thinking take me. I almost ruined our evening.
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
The Serenity Prayer – Reinhold Niebuhr
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